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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30005382">grieving for the living</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaghettirobot/pseuds/spaghettirobot'>spaghettirobot</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>World Wrestling Entertainment</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon-Typical Behavior, Character Study, F/F, Unhealthy Relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:27:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,287</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30005382</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaghettirobot/pseuds/spaghettirobot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dakota is the Queen of Being Fine. In fact, she’s so fine that she comes back and she smiles and she does everything she’s told. She’s Dakota Kai, the girl next door. What more could anyone want with her?</p>
<p>Aka, the Dakota Kai since her ACL return character study that lives rent free in my brain</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dakota Kai | Evie/Raquel Gonzalez, Dakota Kai | Evie/Tegan Nox</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>grieving for the living</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Dakota closes her eyes. The world sinks into deep shadowy darkness. She doesn’t know if it's the world or a room or the deepest darkest part of her mind. The part that doesn’t exist, not to the outside world.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The only part of anything she gets to keep to herself. Nothing is Dakota’s alone. Not the ring where if she’s not under Shayna’s heel, she’s in Tegan’s shadow. Not the rest of the world where it doesn’t matter that she tore her ACL, just like Tegan.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s Tegan, Tegan, Tegan.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The cameras follow Tegan. Dakota gets a useless shot on the exercise bike in the background of Tegan’s documentary.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For a moment the other feelings come rushing through her mind. The warmth of Tegan’s arms, the tired half moon smile after a grueling night in the ring. Drawing an ice bath, massaging out the knots with deft, strong fingers. Disgust colors her subconscious thoughts, the source as multifaceted as the feeling itself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She squeezes her eyes together, as hard as she can. As if she can force the intrusive thoughts out of her head. The one that tells her to fuck it all up, the one screaming at her to finally take her space. The one that keeps cranking the volume higher and higher until Dakota can’t seem to drown it out most days.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>How long can someone be expected to make themselves smaller and smaller in service of another person? Even someone they love so much. You would think if Tegan loved her as much as Dakota loved Tegan she wouldn’t be able to stand it. She wouldn’t be able to stand watching Dakota get smaller and smaller. A ship in a bottle shut off from the air. A plant on a shaded windowsill, wilting away. Day by day.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota feels the bed sink.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tegan’s arm flings around Dakota’s waist, shuffling closer until there’s a warm body flush against her back. A kiss on Dakota’s cheek. A mumbled ‘love you’ and then the arm slackens.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Easy as that.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota feels like she’s going to throw up but the feeling settles somewhere in her chest instead.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sleep doesn’t come.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So she’s back. And she’s fine. Dakota is the Queen of Being Fine. In fact, she’s so fine that she comes back and she smiles and she does everything she’s told. She’s Dakota Kai, the girl next door. What more could anyone want with her?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She’s going to smile and throw up her jaunty little hand signal and smile and rinse and wash and repeat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Or at least that was the plan.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Everything goes out the window pretty quickly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The women’s locker room goes to war and Mr. Regal wastes no time in declaring WarGames.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For the first time, Dakota sees the light through the shadows. The tiny blip of hope at the end of a long tunnel. This is her opportunity to show everyone that she’s more than Shayna Baszler’s victim. That she’s capable of being so much more than Tegan Nox’s proud arm candy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She’s the Captain of Team Kick, damn it. It seems people have forgotten between her long layoff and the shadows she’s allowed herself to stand in.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rhea looks at her like a child asking more for responsibility than they can handle. Like she’s not old enough to ride this ride. Poor little Dakota Kai, can’t possibly go to war.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Fine, Dakota thinks. I’ll prove it to you. If it’s hoops I need to jump, show me where they are. If you want to know how high I’ll jump, show me where. I am worthy. I am worthy. I can help.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Shayna Baszler is the lion and Rhea throws Dakota into the ring with all the regard of a piece of raw meat. Dakota swallows hard at the bile that seems to sit in her throat whenever she gets near Shayna. This is her moment. She will overcome it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She pours her heart and soul into proving herself to them. Some earnest leftover in the fairness of the world. Shayna would call it stupidity. Scared little Dakota, can’t slay the dragon. Scared little Dakota, the princess in the castle.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It comes oh so close. She gives the Queen of Spades the hardest test she’s faced in months but it’s not enough.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota isn’t enough.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She never is.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mia Yim is enough. She’s the HBIC. She’s everything Dakota knows she is if only anybody would bother to see it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota fades into the background, an afterthought. Rhea turns to her and apologizes without a hint of apology.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Not good enough.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Not enough.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Not anything.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tegan doesn’t say a word. Not in the moment. Not a single world. Everything they’ve been through, the lowest of the lows, and not a single word in her defense.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota is tired of the shadow. If she’s got to light her own fire, that’s what she’s going to do.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That night Tegan wraps her arm around Dakota’s waist as she fakes sleep for how many nights in a row now - Tegan never notices - and she tells Dakota she loves her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The words settle like ash.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota insists on driving Tegan to WarGames. Insists on coming in to witness history from the best seat in the house.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She waits until Tegan is changed and starts to warm up with Rhea and Candice to find Mia. Mia who looks at Dakota with trust that almost breaks her resolve. Almost pushes Dakota back into the bottle where she’ll stay forever unnoticed if she doesn’t make a change. Dakota refuses to suffocate any longer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The first smack of the steel chair across Mia’s back breaks something inside of Dakota. The next couple smacks certainly break something inside Mia. Dakota smiles, sick and twisted. She wouldn’t recognize her own face in the mirror for the emptiness. Wouldn’t recognize her own body as it drags Mia up from the ground and ragdolls her weak body against concrete walls.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It feels like release. Maybe being broken is what Dakota needs.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When she’s sure Mia won’t get up or be able to identify her attacker before the need for a replacement, she throws the twisted chair in the dumpster.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tegan sees Dakota come around the corner and lights up when she sees her. The light can’t come close to penetrating the darkness.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If they were both honest, it hasn’t come close in a long time.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota feels butterflies in her stomach and for the first time she’s floating in the ocean with no raft and no paddle. There are two potential realities, both true and both false until her plan fails or succeeds.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The butterflies transition to excitement. She struggles to react appropriately when they discover Mia’s body. She puts on the right faces and emotions so they pick her. Rhea looks at her desperately, begging her to help.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Right place, right time Dakota smirks as she changes in the locker room on her own. That’s all it was, Rhea.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota throws on her mask of grateful little hopeful competitor and meets up with Team Ripley.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The fuse is lit, Dakota can’t wait to blow it all to hell.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota sleeps in her own apartment for the first time in months. When she closes her eyes she’s surrounded by fire, she’s bathed in her own light for the first time in forever. It feels like forever.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If she focuses harder she sees the moment like a scene in a film. She walks out of the cage, her turn to go help Team Good Guy. The years of anger and neglect that crosses her face the moment before she turns around and kicks Tegan in the face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Somewhere in the back of her mind she remembers a voice, so small screaming at her to stop. To not throw away years of love for a momentary feeling. To talk to Tegan, to tell her that she doesn’t feel seen anymore in their relationship. To do anything but what she’s doing but the voice doesn’t stop her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mr. Regal rushes out to try and restrain her. His panicked voice begging her to stop, saying this isn’t her. She’s so tired of everyone telling her who she is. She’s so tired of filling so many roles to so many people but feeling fulfilled in none of them. She pushes Mr. Regal and watches panic turn into horror.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Before she can dwell on the horror of others, she turns back onto her target. She’s red with rage, shaking with the sheer amount of adrenaline and anger flowing through her body. She remembers feeling drunk off of the feeling.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The brace makes a sickening clink sound every time it smashes against the cage, that’s why she took it off. She kept smashing because Tegan needs to feel how she made her feel - helpless, unseen, lost.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Somewhere in the distance she hears the delighted laughs of Shayna Baszler, watching poor deranged Dakota crack and spin out of control. If there’s one thing Dakota regrets it’s giving Shayna the benefit of seeing her break - again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She opens her eyes, theater of the mind exhausted for the moment.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tegan’s heart is broken along with her body. Dakota remembers that face too. The one that showed up on crutches with Candice and Johnny in tow to drop off Dakota’s things outside of the apartment while she pretended not to be home.There’s something deep down that wants to make it better. Another version of her that would do anything to see Tegan be happy. Dakota suppresses that urge and throws it away with all the other things that make her weak.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When she parades around Full Sail with Tegan’s brace, Dakota doubles down on her actions, on her new lease on life. When Candice tracks her down to avenge Tegan’s heart, when Mia comes back and slams her through a table from 15 feet in the air, when that cracks the back of her skull open Dakota doesn’t relent. Candice gets a ring bell to her head for the trouble, Dakota takes her pound of flesh from Mia and gives back as good as she gets.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The power of being noticed is intoxicating. Some days she gets through their aggression on the high of being seen for who she really is. Nobody thinks she’s weak now. The locker room despises her. The crowds boo her as she sinks her heels in. Nobody smiles at her or makes like they’re going to pinch her cheeks because she’s just so damn cute.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She’s the monster now. The villain in their story.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tegan comes back and starts fighting her own battles. There’s pain so visceral in her eyes every time she looks in Dakota’s eyes but there’s something else too, something worse.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Pain she can handle, she wanted to cause pain. She wanted to cause harm. She wanted to erase anything loveable from inside Tegan’s eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She failed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tegan is in so much pain, so much that it rolls off of her in waves even as she stands up to Dakota and challenges her time and time again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But there is so much love that Dakota thinks she could give in. Then she shuts it off and focuses only on the amount of pain she can dish out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mr. Regal sees the situation boiling over time and time again and books a Street Fight at Takeover: Portland. He brings both of them into his office and tells them they better end in there, he won’t have them destroying Full Sail or themselves.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota doesn’t make empty promises anymore.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She will destroy Tegan in Portland and then she can have back the part of herself that Tegan won’t let go of.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota doesn’t sleep a wink in her Portland hotel. She’s that hotel neighbor who paces back and forth, back and forth, driving anyone around her insane. How can she sleep? The images rushing through her mind of intensifying carnage. She thinks of the weapons of Tegan’s destruction. The ideas she has to ruin her, to break her. To end her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She could run a marathon or puke her guts out by the time she gets to the arena. She sticks her instruments of destruction underneath the ring, including a cricket bat which is a sadistic plan for which she’s incredibly proud.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She doesn’t need the pomp and circumstance of entrance music, not like Tegan seems to. All she can think about is removing Tegan from her life, once and for all.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She drives Tegan’s head into the ground, and Tegan looks at her like she’s sorry. She takes the cricket bat and has Tegan right where she wants her. But there’s a split second where she catches Tegan’s eye and flashes back to Tegan’s body above her, so gentle, covering her face with kisses and smiling as they decide to start the day exploring each other’s bodies.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota misses and feels the thick wood splinter and shatter against the metal ring post. The resulting vibration stings through her hands, rendering her useless at Tegan’s hands. How appropriate.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tegan throws her in the trash and then slams into the can with devastating force. Dakota feels trapped, suffocated by the contact. It’s what she deserves, she thinks, as Tegan takes over. Something snapped and Dakota doesn’t see the love anymore.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This is what she wanted, right? This is what she asked for all those months ago when she finally ejected Tegan from her life. Violently ejected, a voice reminds her as Tegan rains down carnage. As she sets up a table and throws Dakota’s limp body onto it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This is it. The villain doesn’t win. The villain doesn’t get to save the day. And Dakota, by her own doing, is the villain. She lives by the sword and now she’s going to fall on it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tegan looks down at her, flinty cold eyes. Dakota accepts her fate.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then the world’s turned upside down. A large woman she faintly recognizes throws the hardest lariat Dakota’s ever seen at the back of Tegan’s neck. Dakota scrambles away from the table in time for this woman to throw Tegan into the table. Tegan’s out and Dakota takes advantage.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>1-2-3.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The crowd boos and hisses but Dakota only has eyes for one woman. This beautiful brute who is advancing on her now. Dakota will never admit to cowering but she’s unsure whether this is friend or foe.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She takes a leap of faith. There has to be a method behind the rage.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The woman helps up her and thrusts Dakota’s hand in the air, declares her the victor, and looks at her with such wonder and awe.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota lets her guard down. This woman, whoever she is, sees the real Dakota and wants to be there for her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Portland changes everything.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota brings Raquel back to her hotel room, Raquel looks at her with the same awe and admiration she had in the ring and Dakota can’t help herself. She’s a lot of things but only human is the main one.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She climbs Raquel like a tree. Raquel is all the more willing. Dakota has never felt so simultaneously worshipped and powerful with anyone she’s ever had sex with. It’s a wholly intoxicating feeling. Raquel doesn’t see her as the villain, she’s the one who stood up for every person in the performance center waiting for their shot. She saw an opportunity and grasped it from the jaws of complacency.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota could get used to this.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It doesn’t scare her as much as it should.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It doesn’t occur to her that she should hold Raquel at arm's length as well. Not when Raquel is omnipresent at her side. Dakota feels safe when Raquel is there, even when she barely knows her aside from how she is in bed and how hard she hits in the ring.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tegan doesn’t take Portland lying down. She’s not stupid, she sees the way Dakota starts dressing. The way she looks at Raquel when she so much as breathes. Tegan is absolutely furious over Raquel interfering in the Street Fight but Dakota can tell Tegan knows about them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Mr. Regal tells them the steel cage will keep Raquel out so they can finally end their feud. Decide the victor of it all. But that’s his mistake because he can’t see that Tegan couldn’t keep Raquel out of it as much as Dakota can’t keep Raquel out of her heart.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Raquel pins Tegan to the cage, giving Dakota enough time to crawl her way out and drop painfully to the floor. Painful but the winner, ultimately that’s all that matters. Once and for all she’s done it, she’s put Tegan in her place.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Strong arms lift her up and help her back up to the top of the ramp. She’s strong, she knows that, but there’s something about Raquel that makes her want to relax into those arms. Dakota looks down the ramp at Tegan and notices what Tegan must notice at the same time Tegan knows.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota is falling for Raquel. Hard. And far too fast to be logical but she’s always been soft hearted - no matter how many heads she’s beaten in to get into those arms. Raquel wraps her up tighter and starts to help her towards Gorilla. Dakota chances one last look at Tegan.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s the last mistake she makes for a while.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When Dakota falls, Raquel catches her. When she’s low, Raquel picks her up. When she hits the wall, Raquel helps her kick it down. When Dakota wakes up from the nightmares that plague her sleeping nights, the ones where she sees Tegan’s face over and over again, twisted in pain. Well, Raquel kisses her until she forgets she ever hurt.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s what the honeymoon period must feel like. If she digs deep down into her memories with Tegan she remembers this period too. Nothing can touch what she feels for Raquel, she would do anything for her and Raquel does the same.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Every time Dakota needs her, she’s there. It’s like a drug. Being seen, being held, being loved.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When Dakota’s leg gets caught up on the ropes, Raquel tells her to be careful. She thought that giving up Tegan meant giving up her chance to be loved. She thought being loved was less important than getting opportunities, than being successful.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With Raquel she’s both.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The devil on her shoulder thinks she’s made it. The angel tells her to remember to be cautious, to keep both feet on the ground. To remember not to disappear so far into a relationship that you disappear.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Raquel gets stronger and stronger. She goes from being entirely in service to Dakota’s goals to feuding with the other women as Dakota serves her. Theirs is a relationship of equality. Dakota wants Raquel to achieve her goals as much as Raquel wants to help Dakota with hers.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota calls out Io Shirai.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This is her moment, her destiny.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She and Raquel spend their moments in between the ring and their bedroom plotting Io’s downfall. They have the perfect plan. So improbable in the post-Portland era that Io will certainly have the hubris to fall for it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s simple. Raquel pretends to leave Dakota vulnerable. Disappear when she needs her the most. Io gets cocky, sees only the Dakota that everyone sees and underestimates her. Even in the face of insurmountable evidence to the contrary.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s so brilliant it almost works.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Almost.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Io looks as shocked as anyone when Raquel shows up right before Takeover, suddenly the ace in Dakota’s back pocket.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At Takeover, the ref takes a truly unfortunate bump and this is it. Everything is falling right in place. Raquel smiles at her as they set up their zenith, the culmination of their great deception. She’s made it to the mountain top.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In the blink of an eye, Dakota is on her back. Io’s body slams down on top of her and the referee counts to three. Just like that, everything she’s worked for is over. Done with one singular failure. A split second of pain slowing them down and it’s over.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She won’t get another opportunity like this until she’s waited her turn.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Raquel picks her up like she always does. Tender as she ever is. Dakota lets this be her salvation. It’s not weakness, it’s not over-reliance on another person. It’s not a shadow. It’s a blanket. Covering her with warmth and acceptance.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe she doesn’t need the Women’s Title when she’s got Raquel. Maybe another person can be enough.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She throws up in the locker room after the match.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There’s a rocket strapped to Raquel’s back, Dakota does her best to hang on for the ride. After all this time, it’s Rhea Ripley who lights the fuse. What’s that about karma? What goes around comes around.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It turns out before Raquel was Dakota’s, she was Rhea’s best friend. She feels like they should have talked about something like this. Dakota wants to be mad but Raquel pacifies her, as she always does. It should scare her how much she doesn’t have a guard against Raquel. It should terrify her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Another war breaks out and this time Dakota is a no brainer pick with Raquel. How quickly the tides turn, how quickly they all forget the weak little girl. This time she enters the cage first. Both as a show of good faith but also to prove herself once and for all. She goes a grueling 35 minutes in the WarGames cage. If people can’t see that little scared Dakota Kai is dead, that she’s the Phoenix that has risen from those ashes. They’ll never see it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Raquel pins Io.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That night they gingerly hold each other, too tired and sore for anything else.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so proud of you,” Dakota whispers into Raquel’s bare shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Raquel lifts Dakota’s chin with her thumb, so gentle for someone capable of such violence. Her lips so close that Dakota can feel them move as she talks. “Proud of us. Love you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota closes the millimeters to kiss Raquel. It’s absolution, it’s grace, it's validation. They are a united force, nothing can stop them, not as long as they never let go.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota won’t ever let go.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rhea beats Raquel, Dakota picks up the pieces and helps Raquel rebuild herself even stronger than before. Dakota gets herself shoved in a locker but turns the tides. Raquel beats Rhea in a Last Woman Standing match.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota waits and waits until finally Raquel comes to release her from the locker. While she waits she tells all manner of stories in her head to keep from panicking, to keep from wondering. Thinking in a small space has never helped anyone. The irony is not lost on her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Before they can process pinning Io at WarGames or beating Rhea in the Last Woman Standing, Mr. Regal announces the first ever Women’s Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic. Finally, Dakota thinks, somewhat desperately for reasons she can’t pin down, something they can achieve together. A common goal.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Something to keep her down with you, the devil on her shoulder whispers. Dakota shakes it off. That’s not what this is. This is what they’ve been waiting for. Raquel is so excited when Dakota suggests they enter. This is their destiny, it has to be.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After the first round win, Dakota feels Raquel hoist her up in the air. Settled on her hip like her modified Miss Elizabeth, she smiles deliriously as she compares Raquel with Macho Man. A particularly manic thought has them getting married in front of a crowd at Summerslam. Raquel is so tall, an errant thought reaches her mind, her feet are so far off of the ground.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After they beat the particularly pesky team of Kacey Catanzaro and Kayden Carter, Dakota lets herself settle against Raquel’s waist. Raquel touches her with such care, like she’s fragile and delicate and worth protecting. Dakota knows there’s a world where she would do anything to safeguard this feeling.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The final takes everything out of them that’s possible to be taken from a person. Dakota so often feels useless these days. She never says anything to Raquel because Raquel would move heaven and earth to make her feel better. Dakota reads the blogs, she knows the comments. She’s the dead weight keeping Raquel from greatness. Her constant need to shelter and protect and defend and fight for Dakota keeping her away from some mythical destiny.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When Ember and Shotzi use her like a human punching bag, while they ragdoll her around the ring she starts to believe it’s true. Then Raquel comes steamrolling through, using Dakota as a weapon and throwing Ember out of the equation. They pin Shotzi together, the referee counts to three and then fireworks explode behind her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There’s no sound, no darkness, no anything. Dakota forgets to think, to breathe, to do anything. She feels Raquel pick her up, she hears Raquel screaming how much she loves her and that they did it. These are all things that are happening to her, she knows that. But she’s outside of her body now, something tells her this is important. Take a snapshot of this moment, it’ll be the happiest you’ll ever be.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The devil on her shoulder tells her there’s nowhere to go but down. You’ve reached the mountain top so now you must be thrown off of it. Who do you think you are to deserve this anyway? Dakota Kai, betrayer of loves and friends and principles. She doesn’t get a happy ending. She can’t have the Dusty Cup, and the girl of her dreams.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as they finish their pictures and obligations in a blur of emotions, Raquel pulls her into an empty storage closet. She makes love to her so tenderly in this cramped closet that Dakota lets the tears fall down her cheeks, they splatter on Raquel’s back who shushes her, saying she’s got her, she loves her. Dakota closes her eyes and wishes that was true forever, wishes that was something anyone could promise another person.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But she sees their stars, Raquel’s shooting higher and higher as Dakota’s skims dangerously close to the horizon. She digs her nails into Raquels back, scratching her marks like some sort of reminder that she was here. That she existed before Raquel steps on her on the way to the top.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota sinks her teeth into Raquel’s neck, sucks a bruise so violent that Raquel will need to conceal it for weeks. Will it be gone before Dakota is? She buries her head in Raquel’s shoulder and begs her fuck her harder, to stop being so gentle. She can’t bear the fall from any other height.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The night Adam Pearce helps Shayna Baszler (why is it always Shayna or Rhea, Rhea or Shayna) and Nia Jax steal the tag titles from underneath their noses, Raquel holds her as she cries. She looks broken in the ring but it doesn’t compare to how broken she feels when they get home.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>All of her demons come rushing back into focus as Raquel kisses a pattern on her back, as she rubs her hand comfortingly over Dakota’s pink hair as she cries. Raquel thinks it’s about Shayna and maybe at some point it would have been, about seeing her again, about being embarrassed by her once again. Like an unending carousel of shame.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She cries because she knows the further they get from their goals together, the closer they get to the end. Dakota can see it coming from miles away, like a storm chaser standing in the eye of a hurricane. Raquel can’t see it, she hasn’t been here before.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There’s something to be said for the cruel irony of fate. Dakota thrashed and fought and disappeared and sank into Tegan’s shadow. As her individual aspirations grew so tall that Dakota couldn’t see herself past them anymore. And now the fates see fit to give her love with the complete irony that she’s once again in the shadow.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This is her own fault, it turns out. She loves too hard and too openly. She gives all of herself when she does. Dakota has given Raquel every ounce of her heart freely and with that the power to destroy her. She swore she would never let anyone do that again but it turns out she’s her own executioner.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Raquel tells her over and over again that she’s not going anywhere. You’re my girl, she says as Dakota shakes her head and lists off all the reasons why this is going to hell. I wouldn’t do that to you, she promises like she has the power to promise something like that. Like Dakota didn’t make the same promises to Tegan before she kicked her head and their relationship in and started a whole new Dakota.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Raquel continues to make promises she doesn’t know she can’t keep and Dakota tries not to fall apart again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then Mr. Regal throws a life raft into their choppy waters. As the first ever Dusty Cup winners, he makes them the first ever NXT Women’s Tag Team Champions.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota listens to the crowd chant ‘You Deserve It’, she listens to Raquel claim they’re going to take over the whole world as a team. No doubt overcompensating in the face of Dakota’s ever growing anxieties. But neither the chants nor the ostentatious claims of world domination can make the smile on her face reach her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ember and Shotzi have the audacity to come to the ring and demand a challenge for the tag titles. Anticipation floods her system, dread clogs her mind with doubts. She puts on a brave face as they walk down the ramp, feeling evermore like they’re walking the plank. Raquel seems to have no concept of the danger they’re in.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota ruins it, that’s what she does. The devil on her shoulder does nothing but cackle cruelly in her ears as she gets pushed into Raquel, as Shotzi takes advantage of her shock to roll her up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Less than an hour.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s an embarrassment and it’s all her fault. What goes around, comes around. This is fate's cruel mistress handing her one last bad hand. She should have known better than to think she could get away with the harm she caused to Tegan and the universe would hand her a happy ending.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Villains don’t get happy endings. The heroes slay the dragon and put its head on a pike outside the castle to warn off future dragons.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They’re arguing in the hallway. Not their first real argument, they’re long past that monument in their relationship but it’s their worst. Dakota can’t help but guilt spiral, this is all her fault and it’s only a matter of time before Raquel thinks so too. It’s always her fault. She’s weak, she’s always been a sheep now she’s pretending to be a wolf. Raquel doesn’t know how to talk to her anymore. She tries to comfort her but it falls on ears that can’t hear her anymore.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The only way to go is down, the devil says. Dakota doesn’t know how to shut it up. She spikes her towel at Raquel in frustration, Raquel looks at her like it was a slap to the face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Io shows up. She calls out Raquel. Something stupid and pathetic within Dakota thinks for a second that Raquel is going to turn her down. How stupid is that? Who in their right mind would choose tag team titles with a relationship that’s taken a sharp turn into the failing lane over the promise of the Women’s Title?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Raquel tells Io to be careful what she wishes for.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dakota sees the beginning of the end.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading my manifesto! Feedback is always appreciated but certainly not required. Hope you enjoyed!</p></blockquote><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
  <ul>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30247770">Two Broken Halves Make a Whole Lotta Fun</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessofPunk8/pseuds/PrincessofPunk8">PrincessofPunk8</a>
    </li>
  </ul>
</div></div></div>
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